For the first time, I destroyed pictures. I find it easy to let go of everything now. I’ve taken my heart back, and dispersed the pieces. I tore through letters of broken promises and empty words. But the best part was the silence. It was in the silence that I finally listened. The truth felt like shards of glass tearing through my eyelids. Mascara drenched my face as confusion, frustration, and pain left me. It was the truth that set me free. I know what I have to do now to be happy and letting go was…well just the beginning. I’ve been waiting for this beginning for a long time. The chance to re-find myself and go back to loving me, and focusing on what’s important. The five day break up started with the wedding. Everything was beautiful, but when I looked at him, I realized that he was different and we were more distant than ever. I was overcome with saddness. It scared me to the point where I cried every night that I was in NH. I spent the entire relationship proving myself worthy, and when I was discarded like I never meant anything; I fell apart. And this is how I know I lost myself and that I stopped loving myself. One day I’ll be with someone that compliments me, who makes me feel beautiful and good enough; someone who is scared to lose me and couldn’t live without me. One day I’ll be with someone who actually loves me for that matter. But as for now, I’m definetely not in a rush and I’m not looking. Before today’s insight, I actually did pathetically go to his work, trying to get answers along with his love back, but he stared at me coldly and I knew that he didn’t have any love for me anymore. The last thing I did was smile at him and it was just the closure I needed. I loved with all of me and therefore I have no regrets. It’s amazing how people change, and how fighting with someone constantly can change you into something you’re not. My friends and family have been so supportive and I’ve actually been having a ton of fun. There has been plenty of guys lurking in the scenes apparently (not wasting any time), but I’m only wanting to enjoy someone’s company. I couldn’t even imagine being in another relationship right now. Not sure how I even jumped from one relationship to another in the past. I’m taking one day at a time.

As for now, I will have my CNA skills test again next month. I’m going to pass…meaning things are going to get better. I’m atleast enrolled in school now, and finishing my pre-reqs.
I’m taking my heartache and fueling it into a positive energy. No one has ever seen me hurt like this before :) I plan on being the best I can possibly be
I’m still aiming to move out by the end of this year as well. Soooo I have alot to keep me busy and I refuse to dwell or cry anymore.